Letting Go
Last week we talked about cleaning house. Purging. Getting rid of things we don’t need. This week let’s dig deeper... We need to continue to clean house and purge.
Today we are purging control.
That thing we do where we grip, hold tight, force...YUP, that one! You know you do it...we all do…
How does control show up in your life?
Let’s begin to examine your life...where are you exerting control? Over your relationship with Aging? Career? Money? Family?
As the daughter of a former military officer, I have had some interesting issues around control….
For instance, when my girls were little, I felt it was very important that they behave, be respectful, keep their rooms clean, and have impeccable table manners. Just as I was parented.
As painful as it is to admit this, I used to be very controlling. “Do as I say” and “because I said so” were my parenting mantras.
My Greek husband was the exact opposite. “Kids will be kids” was his attitude. He did not try to control them. Instead he joked and played and “invited” them to eat, clean and behave. Isn’t it interesting how we can gently welcome the things we usually try to force. (spoiler alert… this same rule goes for attracting blessings to our bodies and minds -- maybe we should let go of our grip, stop forcing and controlling, hmmm.)
Well, anyway, I was hell-bent on my girls adhering to MY plan, not his. (Can you say “power struggle?”)
He won.
The Paradox of Control
You see, control is a funny thing. The more you try and control things, the less control you actually have. AND, being in control might bring you serenity for a moment but this can be at the expense of driving everyone else crazy… Control is a signal that we don’t trust ourselves, others or the universe.
Do you want to be controlled?
Neither do I.
Neither did my kids.
I was just perpetuating the strict model of parenting I grew up with. Until I woke up.
And just like this, most of us are just copying the system we were taught about how to get things: by exerting our control over it. We feel safer here...it’s what we know.
“The closest thing to being in control we’ll ever be is in that moment when we realize, we’re not.” - Brian Kessler
Control and Yoga
Well, here is where the yoga comes in...these ancient yogi’s were smart. They figured out 5,000 years ago that your strength and your power don’t come from control, but instead, from letting go…
What?!
Yes. Letting go. Trusting. Allowing the forces that be to drive the bus.
The yogi’s figured out that the only form of control you should seek is control over the chatter in your mind, as well as your attitude, your actions and your reactions.
Set the rest free!
You see, control in all its other forms is an illusion….we can’t control others and we are never fully in control of our lives anyway.
I had a feeling you might push back on this a little… so here are a few questions: Did you control the day you were brought into this world? Can you control the day you will leave this world? Do you wake up everyday and control your heartbeat? When you fall asleep, what allows you to keep breathing? Are you in control? Who is?
There are forces at work here way beyond you and me. Forces you cannot control.
Spiritual guru and author, Byron Katie says, “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control. Let life live you. It does anyway.”
She goes on to say, “When you try to be safe, you live your life trying to be very, very careful and you may wind up having no life at all. I like to say, ‘don’t be careful: you could hurt yourself’….the best way, the only effective way, is to serve as an example and not to impose your will.”
My Best Teachers
Yoga and my kids have been my best teachers. They have taught me to let go.
I have let go of trying to impose my will on them, my husband, and my surroundings. I’ve learned to trust. I’ve learned to lead by example, to only control my actions and even more, my reactions.
And here lies my superpower - I just control me.
This Monday’s Mantra
My invitation to you is to allow this Monday’s mantra be “Let it go”. Whatever, wherever you’re gripping, forcing, exerting, distrusting…. let it go.
Let go of control of others.
Let go of expectations and outcomes.
Let go of fear.
Let go of “not-enoughness.”
And in letting go, discover your superpower.
Response Question:
Where are you gripping? Forcing? Distrusting? What intention can you set, right now, to surrender control?
Most of my life the harder I tried to achieve weight goals, the worse the situation became. Now I have let all that go and I accept and love myself exactly the way I am (most of the time), and am filled with gratitude for my healthy, functioning body. As I practice feeling GOOD, I can continue to make better and better lifestyle choices as part of a FUN journey toward even a higher level of WELLNESS.
- Valerie R.
What comforts me is knowing God is in control, not me. Thank goodness, right?
- Dawn F.